Something I Can Never Have
by taylorcullenforever
Summary: Bella is married to Edward. But Bella realizes she needs more than what Edward is giving her. When she tangles herself in a hot, binding, love affair with Jasper things fall apart. Then the unexpected happens and someone is charged with murder.
1. Battle For Everything

A/N This is in fact a Jasper/Bella story--so if you're not into it just DON'T READ!

I've taken a very different plot turn with this story and think that this will be one of my best.

-taylorcullenforever

disclaimer: i own nothing--twilight belongs to SM--so sad.

ALSO: Bella is still human, however the cullens are vampires.

Thanks so so so much to my awesome beta who never fails to surprise me-- R.M.J Lennixx

* * *

1

**Something I Can Never Have**

**Chapter One:**

**Battle For Everything**

**Song: Carry You Home by James Blunt**

Being married isn't so bad. At least not like what my mother had told it'd be. I recall being a child playing with Barbies—pretending that Ken and Barbie would get married and forever love each other. She'd come up to me, stroking my head, as she told me marriage was really a curse. I'd look at her with bafflement then, wondering why my mother had the guts to crush any happiness I got from my Barbies. She had told me being married to someone was like mowing an ever-growing field of grass—the kind of field that had grown an inch even before you'd finished. She said it was suffocating, like being buried under library books from school, studying from exams, till the point it felt like there was no longer breathing room. Mom said it was horrifying, the equivalent of having taken a nature leak on every road trip till you were older and demanded a porta-potty. Till you realized the germ-infested bowl that held blue water was nowhere close to being like the safe damp earth only inches beneath your bottom.

I'd had questioned her, wondering what made Mom say such things. In the movies, marriage was a beautiful thing. Well, expect for those movies were the husband or wife cheated with another person—either a best friend or a person from their past. Mom had only left that day when I'd nodded unable to speak. But since that day I've questioned her, every single day.

The things is, no matter how pestering the pleas she drilled into my head were, about waiting to get married, they never fazed me. How could I when I spent years as a child watching all of Mom's friends happily married, even if they did fight once in a while? Sure, Mom had her points, but she was choking on the past still. Charlie just hadn't been right for her, which was their problem. That was why their marriage had failed—even after a bit of trying. I was not like my mother—I would not mess up like she had. Or so I told myself.

I only had one question, though. Are you ever truly satisfied? To the point where an opportunity rears its head yet you don't even bat an eyelash? Is it possible to be extremely happy with just one person? I didn't have justifiable answer for any of these, however I only knew that some things just couldn't suffice.

Is what I'm about to do really so very wrong? Did God judge a person for loving someone when they craved another being? Was it plausible to love two at the same time? Was it against God's wishes? I had so many question, most of which have yet to be answered. The mountain of questions reminded me of the day when I was seven and a girl from the neighborhood had been found dead on the town carousel with a shot to the head. My parents had showered me with questions that poured from their mouths like the month when June bugs flooded the earth. I'd been the last one to see or talk to her. Her brother had been the one who'd shot her.

All I know is that I'm happily married to Edward Cullen, however somewhere deep inside I'm not exactly happy. I, Bella Cullen, have literally plunged head first into the dark side. A pair of cold arms wrap around me, securing me in their embrace that reminds me of one my mother used to give me once I'd gotten too old for voluntary hugs. It was like being wrapped up in a wrapper, a piece of candy. I close my eyes tiredly, hoping it's the one person I'm longing for.

Though, whom exactly am I longing for?

"You look sleepy, sweetheart." Edward's voice is unintentionally low, the sound coming from deep in his throat. Not like honey, but more seducing like newly washed silk sheets that you dive into while the sun shines in from the window. I feel myself tremble.

"I'm fine, just a bit tired. Have you gotten the dress from Alice?" The dress was in fact for the prom-like dance the hospital was having for cancer and leukemia patients that could not leave to attend a real prom. I was volunteering to help. I spin around in his arms, pressing my lips gently against his loose smile.

"I have. You're going to look gorgeous." He stares down at me.

"I doubt it. It'll take all of Alice's magic touch to make me gorgeous." I pull away from him just in time to see Rose and Emmett sucking face in the next room. How lovely. I block that sight with my hand, climbing the stairs. As my hand slides across the slick railing, my stomach takes an internal punch.

_"Bella, you cannot tell me you don't feel it too." He stares at me, hand out, reaching for me. He doesn't know if I care. He's trying to find the proof. My mouth opens; he's perplexed by my reaction. I'm a little shocked from my reaction as well._

"_You know we can't!" I retort, ready to scream bloody murder. I was hoping to get this fact through his thick skull, that not only will this ruin our family. It will ruin us…_

Edward follows me aimlessly, staying a good foot away for the walk. He still doesn't seem to understand that since the wedding I've needed more alone time than before. Edward doesn't seem to understand me at all anymore. I don't even understand myself. It's like I've changed suddenly, as if everything I've been feeling was swiped away. Feeling so changed was like leaving your family for a year to go off on your own, only to come home to find everyone different and just as fine without you as they were with you.

Now, all of this didn't mean I no longer loved Edward, it just meant that what I thought was the greatest love in the world had no turned into just another love. It was only now did that I realize I was waiting for love number two to show up. Knowing that made me extremely guilty. Though I think Edward will come to realize—one day—that I'm not exactly what he really wanted.

Edward's hands press down on my shoulders, pushing down my button-up shirt that's actually his. His lips lavish the back of my neck along with my collarbone as his fingers unhurriedly undo each smooth, creamy colored button.

_"You don't understand, Bella," he says, voice hushed._

"_I do! You're the one who doesn't understand! What about her?" His mouth comes to a close, fingers unwrapping themselves from around my wrists. He knows exactly whom I'm talking about. Did he even once think about what his could—would—do to her? I would never forgive myself if she ended up heartbroken because I was reckless and weak._

I melt myself harder against Edward, gaining more friction. I needed him out of his clothes. I needed me out of my mind. I'm a linear away from getting me into the mood. I'm hyper-aware of Edward's hard-on giving away just how excited he really is. I moved us to the bed, lying down on the bouncy mattress, before Edward topples on top of me. Maybe if Edward's inside of me I'll forget about everything. Maybe I'll remember that I love him with every fiver of my being, remember that I'm his wife. But everything has recently gone to shit and I'm falling—deep. I don't know how to think anymore, let alone feel what I'm supposed to feel.

Edward's hands come down, pressing firmly against my wetness. I gasp, fingers locking around tightly to the sheets rustling under me. Pleasure colors my eyes red and black, blurring everything into shapes and colors. I buck greedily, not caring about me being undeniably fragile. His hands keep rubbing at the pace he's going—too slow to bring me to the brink. Slamming my head down onto a soft pillow, I place my hand over his. I enter his fingers deep, plunging him in-between my walls of convulsing flesh.

_"How can I make you see?" he asks, coming closer. I take a step back._

"_See what?" I ask._

"_See that we could be perfect for each other!"_

"_You should have told me that before I married Edward." What was I saying? He was already married to someone else anyway! It wouldn't have made a difference; one of us was still married. _

"_I was scared. I wasn't sure how to tell you."_

"_I love him."_

"_You can love me too." I don't respond. I'm not sure what to say. What can I say? Could I love him?_

Edward removes his fingers, brushing my hand aside, before he shoves slowly. His shaft an alien inside me. I lay back nowhere near the pleasure I'd been at when I'd controlled his fingers.

"Faster," I rasp out, need suffocating me to the point I'm sure I'm staring up at the black lid of my casket. Underneath the damp grass where they buried me. My corpse soaking in the last few gulps of air.

"Bella."

"Please, Edward." I moaned, begging, bucking my hips as I finally find us moving at a decent pace. Edward stops me instantly, hands holding me down. I'm finally at the breaking point. It's like a gun's in my hand, pointing directly at Edward. I can't stop the rage bursting out of me like a hurricane that decides to set itself upon the earth—reeking havoc.

"You know what, Edward?! I'd really appreciate it if you'd actually fuck me sometime. It would just really make my day," I yell, throwing my hands up in the air. I feel him wilt then slip from me. I grab the sheet under me before wrapping it around my body. A Greek goddess. I slam the door open, already on my way to the bathroom. I know everyone heard our fight and that they're probably still listening but I could care less.

Jasper stands at the doorway of his bedroom. Our eyes lock, and I wonder what he's thinking. I wonder if Edward heard his thoughts, if he knows what we're planning on doing.

_"I think that's what scares you the most. Knowing you could love me. Maybe even more than you ever loved Edward." He says, hand pressed against my heart._

Everything moves in slow motion. Edward emerges from our bedroom, Jasper takes a step toward me, and Alice appears at the top of the stairs. A panic attack awakening in me, I fling myself into the bathroom. Locking the door behind me.

* * *

REVIEWS = LOVE


	2. Let Go

2

**Something I Can Never Have**

**Chapter Two:**

**Let Go**

**Song: God Only Knows by The Beach Boys**

If there were an instruction manual on how to run your marriage, I would have had it by now. The woods were dark, but kept me from sight. Edward had been searching for me, calling my name. His voice curled around the trees, till it wrapped like string around the branches, lingering. I had been endlessly walking around after taking a shower to clean Edward off my body. Though my body still held the manly scent he gave off rubbed against me. What was I supposed to do now? I'd yelled at Edward for not giving in to his instincts and just going with it when we'd had sex.

It wasn't my intention to hurt or embarrass him; I was just—burnt out. On the night of our honeymoon he'd been even more careful. It was like settling down into a waterbed, the mattress rippling under you, before caving in almost surrounding you in a wall of mattress. How you could become numb to the feeling of the bed jiggling you as you flipped sides or rolled over.

_Edward took one look at my dress before becoming uncomfortable. The locks in his head were churning slowly, revealing that he was still trying to figure out what to do with me exactly. I'd held my breath as he tittered on his feet, hands smoothing out the tight line that had become his mouth._

"_Umm, how about I lead?" I said, voice cracking like ice underneath my feet as I did circle around a frozen pond. Was there something wrong with me? Did he just not want to do it at all? I was full of doubt, had been for days. Dreading this night for the one purpose it was meant for—the sex. I'd never done it before. _

"_No," he sighed fully, loosening his tie before walking into the kitchen. He poured a glass of ice water, taking his shoes and socks off while he was at it. I sat down on the bed, fully intending to just tell him it was okay. We'd find some other time to try at making love. _

_He stumbled over to me, leaning over the side of the bed as he discarded his shirt and pants—left only in a black and white stripped pair of boxers. My breath caught as I saw his hard-on, dangerously close to where my hand was pressed against the bed to hold me up. The bed wobbled at bit as he crawled over to me, eyes cloudy. _

_This was not what I thought my first time would be like—hesitant, almost reluctant. I silently wondered if I'd mess up or not be good enough in bed for Edward. He had the capability of going as fast as he pleased, never tiring. I could go fast—I presumed—but I would tire. That was for sure. Edward's fingers did magic with the back of my dress, setting me on the bed so that my entire back was to him. The zipper of my dress crackled like those fun trick noisemakers children were given during the forth of July. Throwing them against the ground awaiting the signature pop that frightened yet excited. _

_My dress hung loosely to my chest, the fabric settling a few inches from my breasts—no longer holding them in a corset that came to seem more like a straightjacket. Edward stood me up, cold hands sliding across my skin like ice-cold water being splashed upon me. He shimmed me out of my dress, glancing down at me for a second before staring for a good three minutes. I was on the verge of tears by then, dying to know what he was thinking—what he thought of me. _

_He threw us back on the bed, Edward's boxer no longer present on him but in a heap by the bed. My breathing hitched at the fact that this was the night—I was going to finally loose it (my virginity) after so many years of waiting. Edward used his knee to open my legs, settling himself directly between me—pelvis to pelvis. Thoughts began racing yet as I stared into Edward's eyes, I pushed them away. _

_There was only a bit of a sharp pain as Edward settled himself deep inside me. It felt weird like being stretched from the inside out. The pain was like the burn in the back of your throat when you drink a cold can of Coke too fast. Though as he moved slowly—a little bit too measured out—I was trying to construct my brain to concentrate on the part that was trying to coordinate my body on what to do instead of the other half that was having the freak out fest of 'oh my god, I'm having sex' chanting._

_The surprising thing was that it did feel good—breathe taking. Except Edward was moving too slowly for me to feel that excited and good about it. Taking charge, I shifted our position so that Edward was now sitting with me straddling his lap. Shocked by this change in direction that had come from me, I went at it. Thumping us together as we both lost ourselves._

_It was only that night that I could fully say I'd felt close to Edward. For when he'd slipped inside me, I'd felt like he was finally getting past his defenses—finally close to his soul. _

The sun was setting when I reached the top of a steep hill. My toes were colored brown from the dirt I'd played in. I sat on a lonely rock, wondering what I was supposed to do now. Edward was still calling me from a distance, branches snapping in his search for me. I wrapped my arms around myself, t-shirt and shorts blowing in the wind that had only picked up the past hour.

The first thing I had to make a decision about was Jasper. Bless his soul; he had tried so hard to talk me into it that day. Begging, pleading, with me to just hear him out and agree without thinking about it. Yet, why did he want to have an affair anyway? He did love Alice. As for their sex lives, well, from what I've heard that's going pretty good too. I just—I did not understand why he was pushing for this.

Was it because I was human? That could have been one reason. He'd never had sex with a human before—making me a rightful target for experimenting. However, I couldn't see Jasper using me just for a one night stand to see what it was like having sex with a warm-blooded human that's scent made his throat burn like a house blazing with fire.

"Bella, how are you holding up?" A voice of bells rang inside my ear, filling my gut with panic that swirled with the intensity of a whirlpool. Slowly drowning her in the process. Digging my fingernails into my thighs till blood rises to the surface to create tiny bruises; I turned to Alice who was staring at me with a graceful smile on her lips.

How could he do this to Alice? I thought, staring at her face in all its brilliance. Then wondered how I'd ever be able to live with myself if I hurt Alice in such a way. How would I even be able to look at her?

Turning away from Alice because it was too much to bear, I answered with a voice that was as clear as the floating cloud above us. "I'm doing okay. Just trying to figure out what I'm going to say to Edward."

"He's searching for you." With that we both heard Edward's rough voice calling out again, this time a bit closer.

"I know. I just—I feel so bad. I shouldn't have said what I did."

"He already forgives you, you know?"

"No, I don't know." I said in denial because if I wasn't messing up one thing it was another.

"Actually Edward feels worse about what happened then you do," she said clearly, getting up to pull me into her embrace. I stiffened, placing my hands at my sides because I no longer deserved the right to be her best friend—her sister.

* * *

Sorry it took so long to update! I spent the past four days camping out in the wilderness--where a scorpian attacked me, i gotten eaten alive by bugs, and was mortified by the tiny bathroom in the TINY trailer. Ahh, good times.

**READ: For certain purposes i'm writing stories on serious topics that happen in life--ones that need to be stressed over, but i need YOUR HELP! If you've ever had something horrible happen to you or have been through certain things like (examples being; physical abuse, sexual abuse, drug abuse, abandonment, alcoholism, date rape, having cancer or any serious disease, suicide, having been in a shooting...etc.) then let me know. PM me and tell me your story because i'd like to know. Or if you've ever known someone whos been through something (like the above). Come talk to me about it. **

This chapter kind of shows you the start of Alice's and Bella's relationship already starting to crumble. :( How sad!

I'd like to thank my beta R.M.J Lennixx who is a big inspiration because i want to be as AWESOME and BRILLANT as she is! I especially love her job as a ninja--i envy her big time! :D

REVIEW please! Let me know how you feel about the story so far, ideas, thoughts, LET ME KNOW! :D

plus, reviews = love!!

-taylorcullenforever


	3. The Heart of Everything

3

**Something I Can Never Have**

**Chapter Three:**

**The Heart Of Everything**

**Song: All I Need by Within Temptation**

Alice had escorted me home tonight. Blocking me from view as we stepped into the room, heading straight for my bedroom. Edward had been standing in the very corner of the room with Jasper and Emmett beside him, trying to snag glimpses of me. Now I was trapped in the shower, washing off my feet that looked horrendous. I was not sure if Edward would be waiting for me in the next room or if he was waiting for me to settle into bed. I guess it didn't matter much, either way I'd end up having to face him.

When I was in an over-sized t-shirt I'd pulled from Edward's drawer, I stumbled over to the bed. Staring at it, I felt a pang of sadness in my chest. The pillows were fluffed and sitting neatly near the headboard, the comforter and sheets perfectly straight and tucked it. The bed was no longer the mess I'd left when I'd fled from Edward. Running my hands over the sheets, I sighed, but tucked myself in.

The darkness blinded me momentarily, causing me to strain my vision just in case someone was now in the room with me. I was in no mood to get the shit scared out of me. My body curled inward as I lay there silently, hoping sleep would come. The sound of frogs croaking in the river behind our house comforted me somehow. Coaxing me into sleep when I felt the bed shift as another bed settled upon it.

I froze, waiting for Edward to roll me onto my other side so I could see his face. I waited a bit; I guess ten minutes passing by before I rolled over on my own. Edward was in bed beside me, back to me. I reached one hand out, fingers tracing over the muscles in his back that rippled like the waves of the ocean when he moved. He didn't move and I traced his name over his back with the tips of my index finger.

The silence cut through us like a knife, however building like slabs of bricks that were piling up into a wall that I could not reach through. I stifled the heightening breaths I took by covering my mouth with my hand. I stared at the outline of Edward's shoulders, the very curve of his body. Silently I longed for him to hold me. To sweep me into his arms and glue himself to me for hours. To tell me everything was all right, that we could forget what had happened earlier.

I pushed my hair back before scooting over to him and wrapping my arms fully around him. He did not move or say anything and I curled my body around his. In the next moment, he had moved my hands away from him, squirming away from my grasp. I tried my best to keep my emotions under control, holding it in the best I could.

"Good night, Bella," he mumbled, readjusting his pillow. I flinched away from him, zipping my lips together so he wouldn't hear my breathing. I turned back to my side, pulling the covers up to my mouth, which I clamped shut with my hand—hoping I did cry. I got through ten minutes of not crying till I started thinking. He had pushed me away, the first time ever. And it hurt so badly. The tears were pouring, soaking my pillow so that it became uncomfortable. I felt my nose run but knew I'd give myself away if I sniffled—even just once.

A sob ripped from my gut, shaking me so hard I was sure I'd be sick on the floor beside the bed. I bent over the side, blankets pushed off me for the heat was getting to me. I waited for me to heave but instead felt Edward's hands on my back, wrapping around to the front where they pulled me against his chest.

"I didn't mean it like that, Bella," he said as I squirmed so hard he was forced to let me go. I sobbed again, curling into his chest as tight as I could. When I had burrowed my way into him, I laid my face in the crook of his neck—lips raking over the skin. He rocked us silently back and forth, hands soothing every inch of my skin.

"I'm so sorry!" I wailed, tears spewing as I shook my head, folding my arms tighter around his neck as he attempted to pull me from him. Using his hand he pried my arms from around him, holding me so that I could look at my face. I scratched at him, something coming over me.

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't have an affair with Jasper. I loved Edward too much; I need him so much that without him was too much to bear. Without Edward I was sent into a crazy state of mind—like a child that had been abused. Clinging to his or her mother in the attempt to protect themselves, to know that nothing would ever hurt them again.

When Edward saw the panicked look swelling my face he crushed me to him, securing my body around his, arms locked around his neck, legs around his waist.

"What are you sorry for?" Edward asked, tone incredulous.

"For saying what I said to you earlier. I shouldn't have. I'm so horrible." I was really apologizing for ever having thought about having an affair with Jasper. Edward snaked his head down to mine, lips searching till they placed themselves around mine—kissing me hard.

"Oh, Bella," Edward cooed, rocking us back and forth till I was asleep in his arms.

* * *

Yay! Bella and Edward make up! HUGE thanks to my beta R.M.J Lennixx! :D

**Review if you think Bella should go with Jasper. Review if you think Bella should be with Edward!**

REVIEWS = LOVE

-taylorcullenforever


	4. I Was Promised My Sun

4

**Something I Can Never Have**

**Chapter Four:**

**I Was Promised My Sun**

**Song: Pearl's Dream by Bat For Lashes**

***~*~*~*~*~***

_There's a place I must go,_

_There's a place I must go,_

_It's not a place I have seen,_

_But I'll get there in a blue dream_

_And when the battle was done,_

_I was promised my sun,_

_But with a thousands knights gone,_

_To any kingdom I run_

***~*~*~*~*~***

Life was so unfair at the moment. Sitting on my bed, I placed my elbows on my knees, hand cupping my cheek. The sound of water coming from the bathroom stopped suddenly, a bang sounding as Edward stepped out of the shower.

He came out soaking, hair dripping across the floor, while water ran in ripples down his chest. I tried to keep myself from attacking him, instead tapping my foot persistently against the floor. His eyes latched onto my own, sparkling. I took in a sharp breath, watching as he raised an eyebrow. In one sweep, the towel that was wrapped around his waist was now on the floor.

Edward turned fully towards me, smiling. I tried not to think about all the things we could be doing right now, instead pulling my eyes up from his huge shaft.

"Like what you see?" Instead of replying, I walked over to him. My hands ran down his chest, stopping when they reached the border. His mouth landed upon mine, lips pressing lightly against my own—almost hesitantly. I pressed Edward against the wall, my own body press into every curve of his. Chest heaving, I attacked him. Pulling his bottom lip into my mouth.

He groaned out, finger finding my hair and gripping tightly. He tugged till I felt the slight sting of my protesting scalp. I couldn't help myself as my fingers took hold of his face greedily, caressing over his skin as if I were memorizing it. Edward pulled back slightly, glancing at my face before sighing.

I leaned in, hoping for another kiss when he pulled back completely turning to get something to wear from the closet. I closed my eyes tightly, praying he wouldn't see how hurt I was. I fought myself hard to keep from thinking that I was keeping myself busy with Edward so that I wouldn't be thinking about Jasper or his offer.

Keeping myself busy with Edward made it easier not to think about Jasper. Thinking about Jasper tired me to the bone, made it hard to be around him or Alice. The guilt that came along with his offer was already killing me. It was hard enough looking Edward in the eye knowing what I would be doing if I accepted Jasper offer.

I sat myself down on the bed again, leaning forward till my elbows were on my knees, hands cupped around my neck. It was exhausting knowing that Jazz was waiting for my answer, always staring at me from the shadows. What scared me the most was how I felt. Sometimes I'd catch Jazz staring at me with such intensity my stomach would fill with butterflies like it did whenever I was Edward. And I shouldn't have felt that way.

It was wrong--so wrong.

"Bella?" Edward asked and I started. Turned my head I found that he was in the bathroom again, running his hand through his bronze hair. Smiling forcefully, I tilted my head to the side.

"Mmhmm?" I said, staring down at my faded jeans. Something clanked against the counter, and then Edward's voice spoke.

"The family's going hunting today." Edward peeked at me quickly, turning away just as quick. I inhale, finding myself feeling a bit more than just exhausted. Didn't they just go hunting like a week ago? The Cullens' seemed to be hunting more and more since the decision Edward had made was to keep me human for a few more years--three max.

That wasn't exactly what I wanted.

"That's fine." I tell him, standing up. Edward readjusts his shirt, before coming back over to me. He stares at me for a second then folds me into his chest, nuzzling my neck. The coldness of his ragged breathing sends shivers down my spine--familiar and un-familiar. I'd probably never get used this.

"Jasper is going to be staying with you." I tense but relax myself before Edward can take notice of my reaction. My head's throbbing with a dull pulse, aching when I thought too hard. I nodded my head against Edward, brushing my face over his soft hair. It tickled my nose.

"That's fine." I lie, kissing him. His fingers entwine with mine. Cold to warm. He pulls us towards the living room, with me following helplessly behind. Everyone's waiting, Emmett and Rose making-out by the window. Alice and Jasper watching TV on the couch, her feet set across his lap. Esme and Carlisle were talking about something quietly.

"Hey, Bella!" Alice chirped, yanking herself away from Jasper. She bounced over to me, pulling my hair down from my lopsided ponytail so she could fix it into her own amazing masterpiece. When she was satisfied, she pulled back smiling and nodding her head in agreement.

"Thanks," I tell her, smiling lightly and pointing my index finger towards my hair.

"Anytime! You look gorgeous!" She squeals before looking over at Edward. She's suddenly serious. "How are you feeling, Bella?" She asks, eyes piercing.

"I'm feeling . . ." I'm choking on words, trying to find the right one. I wasn't mad, sad, happy, upset, or sick. I'd have to lie to her. "I'm feeling great! Better than I have the past few days." Only the first part was a lie.

"Good, I'm glad to hear that." Alice's eyes glazed over as she said the last part, her body becoming almost limp. I turned to Edward who looked more confused than worried or concerned about whatever she was seeing. I wonder if it was about Jazz and me. Oh God, please let her not see us together. That would mean I had given in. Ah, shit.

"Alice?" I ask, as she comes back down to earth.

"What did you see?" Jasper asks, wrapping his arms around his wife. His arms swathe her waist, holding her tightly against him, as her blank face appeared to become permanent.

"Someone dead, someone else holding a gun. I couldn't tell who the two people were." Alice tells us, shaking her head. She's going to drop the subject for now. Kissing Jasper on the lips, she curls herself around him, smiling. A lump rises in my throat, a thick, hard rock that I can't swallow down.

Jasper peeks a glance at me from the corner of his eyes, no longer focusing on Alice. Butterflies battling along the lining of my stomach I turn away from everyone, taking off to the kitchen. Inside no one can see me and I let me guard down. Leaning against the counter and mentally cussing myself out.

A hand came down on my shoulder and I jumped, almost screaming. Wrenching myself around I found myself face to face with Jasper. Glaring at him, I shoved him back the best I could. It was like pushing against a brick wall. His hands caught me, coiling around my wrist. I yanked against him.

"Stop." I hissed in a whisper, lips tightening. Jasper didn't say anything, instead staring long and hard at me. I squirmed.

"We're going to have fun today." He smiles and lets go, wondering off. I pressed my hand over my pounding heart, trying to keep it from damaging my ribs. Putting on a smile I returned to Edward's side to bid him goodbye.

Carlisle and Esme were already on their way out the door, running vampire speed. Alice hugged me tightly, pulling at a loose strand or hair. I kissed her on the cheek. Emmett punched me on the shoulder and Rosalie simply nodded my way.

I hugged Edward tightly, kissing the side of his neck.

"Miss you," He says, smiling.

"Miss you too. Love you." I tell him, placing my hand on the side of his face.

"See you soon." And then he was gone, and I was left to battle Jasper. I stood still, in the same spot, for a few minutes. Trying to get myself to chill the fuck out.

"So, do you want to watch a movie?" Jasper asks. I turn around. He has his arms crossed over his chest, smiling lightly, his blonde hair a bit ruffled. I nodded silently, throwing myself onto the couch. He picked up the movie I'd rented earlier that week, taking out the CD and popping it into the DVD player. I watched him, caught up in how the muscles on his back rippled with every moment he made.

The TV flickered to life, warning about piracy of making an illegal copy of this movie. Jasper sat right next to me, our thighs touching so that everything became hard to focus on. I crossed my legs together, trying to keep from making skin contact with him. It was hard enough knowing he's sitting not even inches away from me.

We watched the movie for a bit—the move being He's Just Not That Into You—and it seemed like nothing was going to happen. Jasper hadn't said one think and—thankfully—hadn't made a move. Which meant that there wasn't really anything to worry about. Or so I thought.

"Bella?" Jasper asked, looking at me. I kept my eyes focused directly on the TV screen. I couldn't afford to look at him.

"What?" I snap, the word coming out a bit angrier that I had wanted.

"So, what do you think?" His voice is soft, almost hesitant.

"About what?" I play the dumb card. Maybe he'll drop it.

"About us . . . you know. . . being together?" I feel my heart quicken.

"Jasper, I--." He stops me.

"Why not? Ask yourself that question."

"Why not?" I screech, voice breaking. "Because I'm married, you're married, it's wrong, it would be seen as an affair," I tighten my lips together before looking into his eyes. "I don't love you."

"But you could," He pauses. Then his eyes become smoldering. "Couldn't you?" I turn away.

"You want it just as much as I do!" He accuses, setting himself closer to me.

"No, I don't!" I scream, because I no longer know what to do.

"Yes, you do!" He screams back, cornering me on the couch. He places his hands a few inches away from my head, so that I can't get away. He leans into me, smells swirling my head around till nothing makes sense anymore. His eyes are concentrated on my lips, his own lips parting with breath.

I shake my head violently, placing my hands on his chest. I push. When he doesn't budge, I whimper, tears forming in my eyes. Jasper pulls back for just a second before smothering my lips with his. I gasp slightly, the feeling of his lips against mine sending fire throughout my body. My hands cup his face and I pull him closer, till I can feel every inch of him against me.

He murmurs my name when he pulls back, his lips coming down to my throat. I don't think about how he could bite me and I'd die, but more or less about how good this feels. How being together with Jasper feels so right. I drag in a deep, long breath, sliding my hands up his shirt.

Jasper sits up for a second as I tear his shirt off him, pulling it over his head. The beauty of him is more than I can take and I kiss him again—tongue plunging into his mouth. He moans before ripping my own clothes off. I stutter a bit when he takes me in, eyes ablaze with lust. He yanks me into him and I end up straddling him.

I can feel his shaft pressing gently into my opening, the pleasure making me squirm against him. Begging for pressure. I gasp when his hand ducks down to our bonded bodies. He gently guides his erect shaft inside me, the coldness feeling better than anything in the world. Just from the feeling I can tell he's larger than Edward.

"Bella, oh Bella." Jasper murmurs, setting himself deep inside me. I wrap my arms around him and lay my head in the crook of his neck, kissing lightly. Because, now, I have to admit, I want him as much as he wants me.

* * *

A/N I liked this chapter! :D It was nice finally being able to throw Jasper and Bella together!

Your reviews were awesome. I enjoyed the few people who thought that Bella should stay rightfully with Edward.

REVIEW if you have some thoughts you'd like to share, REVIEW if you're super glad Bella and Jasper are finally together!

-taylorcullenforever

Thanks to my beta-- R.M.J Lennixx who makes everything i write so much better


	5. The End

Hi, Everyone.

I Am Done Writing Fanfiction Stories Or Beta(ing). For Good.

I Found What I Was Looking For.

**I'm In Love.**

So I'm Giving Up Fanfiction.

It Was Great While It Lasted.

Bye

:)

-Taylor


	6. Distorted Reality

**Something I Can Never Have**

**Chapter Five:**

**Distorted Reality **

**Song: Neon Trees - Animals**

_Here we go again,_

_I kinda wanna be more than friends,_

_So take it easy on me,_

_I'm afraid you're never satisfied_

I hated myself. I had completely dug myself deep into the ground. I couldn't get out. Period.

Jasper was in his room, talking to Alice on the phone. I guess she called to check in, but at the same time I wasn't sure why she called exactly. I sat on the couch, biting my fingernails, and trying _not_ to think about what I'd just done. But no matter how much I tried to distract myself, I couldn't help but re-play our steamy moment in my head. I hit my fist against the couch and groaned out an "Urgg!" with enough loudness to get a distracted "Bella?" from Jasper.

I wanted to hit him. I bet this was his fault! I bet he swayed my emotions, made me sleep with him. Oh god, I'd slept with him. I slept with Edward's brother. The thought disgusted me, yet somehow deep down I felt some happiness bubbling around in my stomach. I wanted that to stop. It was wrong of me to feel happiness for cheating on my wonderful husband. Edward was wonderful; he was probably the best thing that had ever happened to me. And I had been reckless enough to do this to him.

This would break him.

He couldn't know. He couldn't find out about this. If he did, he'd leave me. I'd be shunned from the Cullen family. I'm sure they'd all hate me for hurting Edward. But what about Jasper? What would his punishment be? Just as I thought about Jasper, he bounded down the stares. A smile on his face.

"What are you smiling about? Hmm?" I asked, bitter.

"…I? Was I the only one when we were," He started, waving his hand towards where I was sitting.

"You fucked with my emotions!" I accused, before he could finish the sentence he'd let finish itself silently. He blanched, laughing falsely.

"You really think I would do that?" He retorted, hurt almost.

"Yes, I do. This entire time you've been so determined to get me with you! Of course you would mess with my emotions." I wanted him to have messed with my emotions. Then it wasn't me. It wasn't me that had consented to making love to Jasper. On the family couch. It wouldn't be me that betrayed my husband.

"Bella, you know I wouldn't do that." I shook my head, reluctant. No, no, no! This was wrong. He should be apologizing. I looked back up at him and he stood there, steady.

"Why are you so mad?" He asked, quiet. He knew. It wasn't hard to figure it out. Everything was shot to hell. Why wouldn't I be mad?

"Because….this is wrong. This was wrong and we did it anyway. And you didn't stop me." I trailed off, pressing a hand to my forehead. Trying to breath. Edward. Edward was going to kill me.

"I didn't think you wanted me to stop. You seemed willing enough."

"You don't understand."

"What don't I understand, Bella?" He said, teeth clenching together. He couldn't understand, even I couldn't understand. I wanted to say so much, to explain what was going through my head. But I didn't understand what I was thinking enough to tell him why I was so mad. Or how I was going to keep this from Edward, from Alice.

"Alice." I look at Jasper. Please let him reassure me.

"What about her." I look towards the front door, out the window; in the direction the family went.

"Did she see?" I can see the realization on his face as he understands what I'm taking about.

"She would have said something," He says, nodding his head. If he's trying to convince himself, I know we are in deep shit. I fold my arms against my chest, walking towards the kitchen. I don't head Jasper follow but I know he is. We still have a lot to talk about. I just don't know if I want to talk about it all right now.

"I don't know, Jasper." I leave it there, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. I don't know anything right now.

"I didn't think…"

"You should have."

"Bella, stop." He's begging.

"No. Because of this I broke my vows to the man I love." I turn away from him, walking upstairs. There's not much I can do at the point, especially with Alice still with the family. Maybe for some reason she didn't see. I agree with that part, willing it to be true. I strip my clothes off when I reach our room, placing them in the dirty clothes pile before turning on the shower.

When I'm done, I wrap myself in a robe. Before lying down on the bed. I don't know where I'm going from here or what I'm going to do about the situation. So I let my brain think about it. I think about Edward and how much I love him. I think about being with Jasper and my feelings for him—if there are any. And most of all I think about Alice.

About her having seen me and her husband, and her not saying anything about it at all.

* * *

I'm back:)

REVIEWS = MORE CHAPTERS:) hahah

Any comments or thoughts, PM me or leave them in your review!

-Taylor (Getting married soon)


End file.
